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    Avoidant ex reddit. It is confusing though because some of .

    Avoidant ex reddit " Non-avoidant participation is limited and enforced. I think I'm anxious-ambivalent too, and I think my ex was avoidant, which led to a lot of misunderstanding and conflict. He came back not long ago with confusing mixed signals, spoke as an old pal, we spoke of meeting for a drink, but something kicked in my gut he was manipulating, and if it was a drink, it would have been geared towards sex by him, when I would have actually been alright with a coffee/drink. Avoidant ex reaches out to be cold and rude . But the breakup was entirely different than now. I kept breaking NC. Not everyone who doesn't trust you is avoidant of course, but for some of us it is the case. My ex is (at least thats how i see it) a hardcore dismissive avoidant. Like your ex, they just lacked a drive for intimacy, but they didn't engage in distancing behaviors. I can't even tell you My dumper ex who’s likely extremely avoidant, hasn’t reached out on his own accord. If you haven’t read attached I highly recommend it. It came so fast, no warnings and when I wake up that morning she's gone. " We always referred to our relationship as simply David & Mathieu. We hit a rocky road and he gave up, started having doubts and didn’t want me anymore. I am financially comfortable and do not need (or want) anyone It’s purely to hear stories of peoples avoidant ex’s returning later down the line - did you expect them to reach out or was it a surprise? How did you feel when they did? What did you gain or what clarity did you achieve by it I broke up with my avoidant ex last night, after 4 months. I told my avoidant ex to leave me alone and now I'm blocked it's been two weeks now and it hurts a lot . turns out that whole time he was really just hoping i’d break up with him so he didn’t have to do it himself. 4- What triggers I didn’t get my avoidant ex back, he got me. He didn’t respond. I have nothing to hide anymore but after the breakup she found I had posted on subs looking for female attention. They don't tend View community ranking In the Top 5% of largest communities on Reddit. Get the Reddit app Scan this QR code to download the app now. He’s only coming back for the comfort Well I wish you were my ex because she basically turned into the avoidant and I the anxious after the breakup and all I wanted was another chance. its late at night and i’m thinking completely hypothetically. While I was initially very sad about the breakup, I have now Avoidants, when your ex finally gives up / stops trying to get your attention, do you feel relieved or anxious? This was your only long term relationship, one that really changed you. Avoidant Ex: Curious to know if anyone else has experienced this. A few years ago I broke up with an avoidant after years of a tumultuous push-pull relationship. We had a pretty much perfect and lovely a year of relationship — we knew each other for 5 years already before having romantic relationship. Unlock the emotional intricacies of avoidant attachment styles for healthier relationships. RaidenTheBlue My avoidant ex blocked me I’m looking for some advice. I'm still trying to figure my ex out. i met his entire family and he met mine and it was a beautiful relationship. Reconnecting with ex as a recovering avoidant Hello! I’ve been floating around this group for a while now, every since my ex and I broke up and it’s been helping me so much so thankyou to everyone who has been sharing their experiences, it’s nice to know that this is something that others go through and get through. When people asked us if we were a couple, we would say no, it was just David & Mathieu. Showed a lot of potential in the beginning, but split once things started to get more serious. Thank you for your reply and I understand what your saying. The last 1 1/2 months of our relationship we had some fights, most of them bc I called out his hot and cold behaviour and some other "avoidant stuff". You're going to spend a lot of time wondering why, wondering how it all just changed so quickly, looking for closure and a reason for it all. I'm so frustrated I didn't learn about attachment theorys sooner, instead I just put it down my its just the way I am, I take time to think through things and I'm most comfortable when I feel like I have enough time alone to 'recharge' (I thought that was my introversion) and pursue my hobbies. The way I see people going on about their avoidant ex and how terrible they were/are. my subreddits. Since that break up, I made myself a promise, never return to an avoidant ex again. For me, it really wasn't worth the heartache and to re-live it twice, ended up feeling more shame and pity and guilt. He didn’t block me I sent my most recent avoidant ex the “Attached” book, which I’m sure he won’t read. If your ex trusts others and not you this is obviously just not applicable to your situation. As much as I resent him I would never never want to switch places with him. Ouch. My ex came back as well, again, and again until now I’m unsure if I can handle trusting them again. My ex is a nice man. Only when I started avoiding him after the break up was the best thing I ever did, Im glad it hurt him to see me finally go. She initially said she liked someone else which fucked me up cause I felt like shit and ugly. I blocked my DA ex so he won’t reach out anymore. She has an avoidant attachment style and my therapist confirmed the same. We started dating and became official. While we were in a committed relationship, I thought we were secure. A DA attachment is characterized by an intense fear of engulfment (and an unconscious fear of abandonment) which manifests in us fiercely defending/asserting our independence/autonomy often at the expense of intimacy. I learned of this after the breakup. Short story long, I met them in 2017. I’m an avoidant (dismissive), here on a no contact sub because I still miss/think about my ex. For some reason, I’m not sure if my ex misses me because of what he did after the breakup. A lot has changed for the better but 6 months into this redo I can say this is still a problematic and anxiety-inducing relationship. But I don’t know if I should write her wow. He acknowledges all of the avoidant stuff and said he needs to work on it alone. When there are arguments they ignore you for hours and hang/play with friends , even if you cry or are stressed about anything they just dip and come back once you feel better , mine even had the habit of saying "call me when you feel better" :') As the reality of single life, without emotional connection, sinks in, the fearful avoidant can start to feel depressed and I believe this is where the realisation of their new life and their decisions start to take hold. I am 28, he's 31, and his rebound is a 20 yr old girl. They move on fast but don’t actually heal. I am four months post break up with my dismissive avoidant ex who initiated the break up text book blindsided. DONT DO IT. Never cheated or was tempted enough to risk what I have - BUT - this doesn't mean I'm dead. Reply reply A seemingly strong, healthy relationship, albeit with a few fixable issues, was ended in the flick of a switch by my fearful avoidant ex. Avoidant dumpers who feel regret, do you actually want your ex back? Recently I've seen quite a few posts where avoidant people have dumped their exes and are saying that they're miserable about it and they wish they had their ex back. Avoidant people aren’t arrogant or heartless. Attachment Theory helps you understand how your relationship was with your parents when you were a child. **This community isspecifically for those with a DA attachment style** This is to vent, support, and work towards having healthier relationships with others. 44 days ago he broke up with me again after 8 months of dating. It is confusing though because some of . Im pretty sure I fall pretty heavily under the avoidant side of things and my Ex was anxious. I have an avoidant ex but I really don't know which kind of avoidant is she. They will hurt the people who show they care about them the most. I'll start this off by saying, no, he's not a villain. I’m looking for some information from people that are solidly diagnosed with the Fearful Avoidant attachment style. They have very low self insight. We broke up 6 months ago and have had no contact since. I don’t want to go into too much detail because my ex is on here but we are fixing up a rental property together. and this is before life gets tough no kids, struggle etc op i wish this was my ex writing this. My ex As an AP with a DA ex, I would prefer to be left alone so I can heal fully. Probably chaotic and has had past traumas. She has an avoidant personality obviously and I should forget about her. Wants you back because of fear of loss, but fear of engulfment so then needs time and a break. I am sorry to hear what you went through with your ex u/spiltmilk101. That day, I'm so lost. Every noticed how dismissive avoidant have a high number of sexual partners but withholds intimacy with you because they have you on a leash? They don’t want to grow closer to you no matter what. I haven't heard anything from him usually he'll unblock me but nothing but dead silence I think I ruined my chances with him for good. I tried everything for quite some time to talk my dismissive avoidant ex partner into not separating. We kissed. Good point. Like we always held hands. he made me wait in the relationship for two years without any form of affection or proper communication saying he just needed time to work on himself without having to worry about a partner and in 10 years we’d be happily married and over it. After all the research I've done over the last year and my own When avoidants have to talk to their ex about what went wrong in the relationship and what could have been done better, there’s a sense of emotional dependency—that they are responsible for making you feel better, Since that break up, I made myself a promise, never return to an avoidant ex again. They must face the consequences of their actions and they are not feeling happy as they expected to, now that their ex is gone. They don't because those things would be at their own expense in some capacity, and avoidants are deeply selfish people. 5 months out of the most abusive relationship of my life with an avoidant. Unfortunately, especially with avoidant people there isn't a good reason. . It bothered me, I feel disappointed and it’s clear he hasn’t changed. Avoidant Ex Suddenly Doesn't Love Me Anymore. Unless they're very aware of themselves, and you both are mutually invested in working through the anxious-avoidant trap, it likely won't end up the way you want it to. Things seemed normal, minus sex. I told him I was free on Sunday. I think I thought this since he was a classic Avoidant with having “phantom ex’s. I told my DA ex that I needed closure when he randomly dumped me 2 days before my birthday and the biggest exam of my life. Period. My ex said he has trouble trusting and knows it's a pattern in relationships, and I My ex was avoidant , my god no offense to avoidant people but it takes a LOT of patience. Our anxieties triggered eachother and he eventually decided to end the relationship (after about 3 days of anxiety from both of us). I'm glad to hear you are on good terms, however; if it didn't work the first time the odds are pretty slim that it would work again. My ex (28m) broke up with me (28f) just over three weeks ago. Cut your ex off for good Apply the strictest no contact rule there is – the indefinite no contact rule Avoid making breakup mistakes Wait for the avoidant to experience difficulties with someone else Allow him or her to contact you and chase you (exes don’t want to be chased – especially avoidants) Found them from an article. Better-Start-6427 I went back to my avoidant ex after about 4 months and we dated for another 3 years, same shit happened again. Advice Dismissive Avoidant Ex + Birthday Coming Up Me (M22) and my ex (F20) broke up a month ago today. For anyone with avoidant attachment or someone who has an avoidant partner, do you think she'll come back? Ik she said no but the night before she was telling me how much she liked me. I don't agree with an ex is an ex for a reason, there are a lot of couples right now that shouldn't even be together and most of the time people get losing feelings mixed up with attraction but not exactly physical attraction, love is always there if it's real and that's why space and time work because reality hits you like damn I do love this person because love kicks in once you feel like So this relationship has ended about 4 days ago, I am an anxious attachment style person and she is an avoidant, officially but she wanted to break up for about 10 days before that, the root of the problem is that she says she has "lost feelings" in the span of 2 days pretty much when I got all over her questioning her and calling her because she was unwell and we were supposed to Fearful Avoidant EX My FA bf deactivated a few months ago during a fight and we broke up only to get back together two weeks later after I was persistent on staying together. So I might not be the best person to talk about. At the present time she is quite frustrated and has stated she does not want to be friends. I’m going through something similar, which is how I found your post. Me (25m) and my ex gf (23f), who dumped me 2 months ago, used to work in the same place. and encourage each other on their path to independence. The best way to reconcile with an avoidant ex, more often than not, is to move on completely. Hey, I just came across this thread and can relate. Bad mistake. She blocked me everywhere and can't send messages to her. Saying this 2. Explore why avoidants keep their exes as options and idealize past relationships. My ex is a confused and hurt human being, most likely avoidant, yet that is not an excuse to hurt another person. He’s definitely avoidant though. I want to defend myself and tried to fix everything but it doesn't work. Sunday came and went, and he never reached out. I would just like to know how you and your ex had got back together. So, in the meantime, it's best to go no contact to focus on improving yourself and moving on. Although I now understand the anxious/avoidant dynamics of my last relationship, I could never be friends with my ex. Has been very persistent about wanting to be friends ever since, even though I have asked her to give me space as I’m still attached and not ready to be “friends” right away. Does anyone have experience ignoring a dismissive avoidant and specifically how do they react? Of course, everyone is different regardless of their attachment style. Members Online • No_Needleworker_5766 . I too have a similar story during my dating experience. Thanks so much for your input :) I won't deny the presence of mixed signals between us, it is definitely an anxious-avoidant push-pull dynamic, and I'm the anxious person :( I reconnected with him after I gave myself some time to heal and understand myself and what happened. when he realised i Then on month 6, the breadcrumbs this avoidant ex was leaving me was messing with my head ALOT. I'm an avoidant and I recognize in what you said the behavior I used to show in a relationship, and reading your comment made me realize how much I've changed and grown. he became more and more avoidant after that and Please review the subreddit rules prior to participating to ensure this subreddit remains on topic. Avoidant ex on a rebound We've been broken up for two weeks already and I found out just now he's already in a rebound who is younger than me. I learned that the hard way. Avoidant attachment style is one of the ‘insecure’ styles, up to around 2/3rds of populations have ‘insecure’ type styles, the other main one being ‘anxious-ambivalent’. When we would get to the point of trying to resolve an argument he would not look at me. Hey guys my ex and I broke up almost 4 months ago and for the first 2 months I was feeling so bad about myself thinking I was the problem, but then after I realized she broke up with me because she’s an avoidant. I swear I can sense a very strong female avoidant from three counties away and feel DRAWN. My avoidant ex asked me to meet for dinner, this weekend and I agreed. Avoidance is his attachment style and I have an anxious attachment Every fearful avoidant I know, and believe me there are atleast 4, are hostile, in denial, avoid responsibility, and disengage in constructive conflict. We were together for almost two years and I was his first long term girlfriend. Dumpees grow in spite of avoidant dumpers, not because of them, and no amount of rationalization can alter that reality. Be grateful you wear your heart on your sleeve because someday someone will appreciate it. But I’m curious does it caused them to become angry? Funny how easy it is to say that when it’s not you, you didn’t lose something valuable you loved, and you don’t understand how fearful avoidant work. he claimed he lost feelings for me and needed “time to be alone” while ending up on dating apps days later lol My avoidant ex who manipulated and gaslit me the entire relationship said he still wanted to be friends after I caught him with other girls said this. Otherwise, great people. I don't know if I want him back as my boyfriend. It's been an extremely painful ride. His deactivating strategies (stonewalling, avoiding, pulling away, needing "breaks," and the multiple breakups) hurt me too much. Sending you hugs Reddit friend. I was a verg good girl who treaded him very good, better than he deserved to be honest. I didn't want to wait for her to contact me personally so I BLOCKED TF outta her lol -- social media: BLOCKED phone number: BLOCKED EMAIL: BLOCKED If she wants to reach out, she can write a mutual friend a letter for me with one of those wax seals lmao. While they may not choose to be this way, they can certainly choose to seek ways to improve and perhaps even overcome their avoidant tendencies. Motivation I see a lot of people posting here about avoidants/dismissive avoidants and how their exes are never coming back, or won’t ever let themselves think about or revisit the relationship because of their attachment style. The thing is, he is avoidant. After two years of separation and me being completely over it, he reached out and wanted to try again. She is a dismissive avoidant and she had started to distance herself by text and seemed less enthused than her usual self when Facetiming with me (we were in semi LDR - she comes back to town every 2 weekends). Going through another avoidant break up and if they, ever, ever reached out to me, I would either ignore it or tell them, no 2nd chances. There is very little to no accountability, nor the ability to grow, with this perspective. We talked about moving in, getting married and having kids. we just broke up a week ago after almost two years of dating. Everything at the start was perfect, then once he had me, it all changed. Or check it out in the app stores   Avoidant Ex . ” We broke up last week on the 2nd dec after few days I went on radio silence for three days during those three days my da noticed I didn't come online so he blocked me and I wanted to block him back I was super annoyed with him but I just controlled myself anyways I went on radio silence for two more days today I noticed he unblocked me. We cuddled on the couch and in bed. It is in my wiring. Being an avoidant is a miserable existence where you lie to yourself to stay alive. This means that the dumper will likely start to muse over the good times shared with their ex, and remember the connection in a more positive light as time passes. Please review the subreddit rules prior to participating to ensure this subreddit remains on topic. Usually my ex dates people immediately after and messages me like a month after they start dating. She had a bad childhood and difficulties with her family. Depending what kind of relationship you had with them, it will reflect on how you treat those close to you as an adult. It sucks. TL;DR: As an avoidant, I was only able to change after I dated someone even MORE avoidant than I was. Please respect our space We’ve been on and off, but he’s never been this cruel. Think long and hard if you really want a life or to waste your time with someone emotionally unavailable afraid of commitment etc. Not perfect yet, My ex was extremely avoidant. When he dumped me, I was so blindsided and my heart was so shattered that it literally changed my life. He even warned me at the beginning of the relationship but I was completely unaware about this attachment style and I ignored him. So it starts with the Perfect Ex, then he dumps his partner and gets back with the ex, and now it’s the Perfect Side Chick, so he dumps the ex again for the side chick, and now it’s the Perfect Single Life, so he dumps the side chick to go be single but he ends up sad and alone with hook ups that make him feel like trash and empty inside, so he pines for a fantasy Perfect Gf Hey, sorry for the long post, my ex is a fearful avoidant, she and I have been together for a matter of 7 months, the first 6 months were amazing, as she is one of a kind, we fell for each other quickly. So here's the story, we broke up 3 months ago. The women I find electrifying - enchanting - maybe flirt a little with (just respectful fun) - are guaranteed 100% AVOIDANT. This blend of the grass not being green as a newly single dater, and remembering the good times with their ex, can confront the FA with a sense of regret and remorse. To keep this a safe space for avoidant attachers, this subreddit is strictly moderated. our breakup ended how most avoidant breakups go. In retrospect, he was so avoidant that it made me anxious. What can I do? Do you think she will actually get ever me so fast? Hey guys my ex and I broke up almost 4 months ago and for the first 2 months I was feeling so bad about myself thinking I was the problem, but then after I realized she broke up with me because she’s an avoidant. Push/pull. Hey, I've been going through another breakup with my FA ex, and was wondering how long it might take for an FA ex to give up. REDDIT and the ALIEN There's a long list of things an avoidant can do to avoid or minimize the harm they do. Did you reach out to her? At the start I thought me ex would be thinking about me and regret the breakup but as times goes on I question if he has even thought about me at all. when he broke up with me i kept blaming myself because he said that i keep disrespecting his boundaries but then i didn't know that he has avoidant attachment style, he is fully aware that he's avoidant I only found out that he's avoidant when he told me and since then i studied how to handle people with avoidant attachment style because i love him but then we had a big fight Spending hours on reddit to see so many similar stories :( Reply reply More replies. After they broke up with me I thought they were avoidant. My ex was a massive narc, and avoidant thrown into mix. but sometimes my anxiety got the best of me and i would question him. Strange avoidant behavior themes though. And of course it would be silly to pin that all down to ‘attachment styles’ but I do think they play a role and, when an anxious person like myself is completely blindsided and shattered by a breakup, it helped me immensely looking into this. Ask me questions if you want. It doesn't make sense. Avoidant Ex . They avoid hurt and/or isolate when hurt. He's someone who has treated me well, gentle and kindly — and truly did make me feel like the world. I have not asked her to be friends ever, she indicated several times “she hoped we could be friends” - made zero effort to show that or facilitate a friendship. I hadn’t fully picked up on it first round but after another 6 mo. Hmm I am not sure that avoidant attached people move on that quick! I think they are just better at burying their feelings, temporarily, but then the pain erupts eventually. We were friends for a year and a half before starting a different dynamic. The mechanics of this jump to content. Reddit iOS Reddit Android Reddit Premium About Reddit Advertise Blog Careers Press. I'm not a scientist, but to see 4 different people 2 men, and 2 women with extreme carelessness, is a dead sign that not all avoidants are as responsible as others. Let’s say My dismissive avoidant ex is a successful professional, which she seemed to wear as a badge of aggressive independence. I’m AA and my ex bf is DA. 3- The cause: The cause of fearful-avoidant attachment can be attributed to a childhood environment characterized by a lack of consistent comfort and safety, often stemming from experiences such as having a neglectful or unpredictable caregiver or enduring abuse. Your ex's inability to have a stable, strong relationship that's healthy and full of love is a reflection on THEM and not you. My avoidant ex came back, we dated for 6 months and he came back after 3 months of NC. My avoidant ex of 3 years got engaged 3-4 months after the breakup, to a guy that I expressed my discomfort of her being around. FA ex broke it off abruptly 6 months ago and detached completely. " Love and affection incite feelings of vulnerability so are threats - avoidants avoid love to avoid hurt, and when they encounter reliable love are drawn to try to spoil it to prove to themselves it can’t be real. My Ex Girlfriend broke up with me 2 months ago. Or check it out in the app stores Ex No Contact is a breakup support group focused on self-reliance and general healing. i’m seeing my avoidant ex for the first time in almost 3 months this weekend. ” I remember when we were seeing each other he said that he had ex’s from 4 and 6 years prior that he didn’t think he’d ever be over and sometimes thought “maybe someday. This is a subreddit for individuals with an avoidant attachment style. truly. Fearful-avoidant attachment affects around 7% of the population. In a past breakup, he was willing to talk after 6 weeks (although, I initiated the conversation). My avoidant ex broke up with me, will a good experience (one where I am positive and not talking about the breakup) make them want to be together again? comment sorted by Best Top New Controversial Q&A Add a Comment. An avoidant doesn’t become avoidant overnight, you met them as an avoidant, they were avoidant til the bitter end. Sometimes their actions are enough to realize they will never change. Thats how i know he is avoidant to all aspects in his life — just wasnt aware that i would be the “victim” too lol Please take this with a grain of salt, as I had a toxic push-pull relationship with an avoidant, but I would highly consider just letting this ride off into the sunset. Like he would shield his face with his sweatshirt or rapidly scroll through his Hi guys, I was in a relationship for a full year with a man who had avoidant tendencies. we realized this was an issue when he started law school so i started therapy. To be fair, my protest behaviors hurt him too. i was blindsided and discarded. I was seeing a guy for a few months however 2 weeks ago at the weekend, things got intense as we were processing to the boyfriend/girlfriend stage and he called things off. Even if my ex reaches out and tell me that he’s working on his attachment style and his treatment to me, I would not give him a chance again. She came back 4 mo later and guess what she was still avoidant af. I have some experience with an ex to show that the FA can have a reasonably long relationship with a narcissist or otherwise toxic partner. For my experience: my ex was an avoidant, after 3 months of No Contact (unfollow on social medias and all because I needed It for healing) she came back because she regret the breakup, honestly at the start all was good, but we lasted like 8-9 months and she left again last month. We also lived together for a long time. Avoidants are usually distant and come off cold. They don’t think they’re the problem, they think it’s their partners who have normal intimacy needs they can’t meet. "Is my avoidant ex going to come back?" It's definitely possible, but be aware that a lot of the time they don't and if they do, it might take them a really long while. For those who do not have an avoidant attachment style looking for answers, there is a wealth of information for you available by keyword searching "FAQ. Avoidant discard over a year ago, I've been revisted once and still to this day get indirect communication from her (I do question as to whether I'm a phantom ex). It feels like he has an avoidant attachment style based on how our relationship ran its course, how it ended, and what's happening after it ended. I went NC for 3 weeks early on, reached out and acted anxious for a month. For some context, I wrote the letter below to my "ex," although I'm not sure if I can really use the word "ex. rbopr yddgql muiihwy iaxhou vmijbl rttff pebxqj gitgou zaiwkh cjwfsvqr ast szrh sjuhkns oavx xrzk